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16. THE
JOURNEY FROM PRIMITIVE EGO TO ENLIGHTENMENT:
THE ULTIMATE GOAL OF ALL HUMAN DEVELOPMENT
by
Dick Rauscher
Abstract
The ultimate goal of all human growth is
enlightenment. The unconscious primitive ego of the inner child
is stuck in the past and is not capable of running an adult
life. Only the current adult self living in this moment is
capable of growing in self-awareness and achieving enlightenment.
Authentic spiritual growth requires growth in self-awareness.
This article presents an integrated model of human development
and spiritual growth.
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For
the last few newsletters, I have been focusing on the subjects of evolution,
middlepath spirituality, co-creation, concepts of God, and the meaning
of life as a way to begin the process of “de-religionizing” our
concepts of God and re-defining what we mean by the words spirituality
and authentic spiritual growth.
In this issue of the Stonyhill newsletter I will
swing the pendulum back to a developmental focus by introducing an
integrated model of human development and spiritual growth. I will
show that human psychological development is the same as spiritual
growth and that all human development is nothing more than a journey
of increasing self-awareness that leads to enlightenment.
For those who are more visual learners, a brief
outline of the human development model that I will be discussing
is shown in the diagram below.
The first seven to eight years of life is a period
of intense learning. We learn about relationships, who is safe and
who isn’t, what people expect of us, and about rewards and
punishments. To put it simply, we become socialized to the various
cultures that we are born into; our family of origin and the larger
social culture. The things we learn in this first eight years are
called the unconscious, old brain, the inner child, or the primitive
ego. Essentially, this part of our brain is the brain’s unconscious
operating system. The primitive ego/inner child is similar to the
operating system of your computer, it rarely seen, but it controls
all the functioning of your computer brain.
It is important to understand how your primitive
ego functions because this is the powerful unconscious operating
system of your brain that will direct your choices and behaviors
for the rest of your life. This primitive ego/inner child also contains
most of the unconscious beliefs that will form your opinions, your
assumptions, and your expectations about events and other persons
in your life. Some call various aspects of the unconscious inner
child the shadow part of the human psyche.
For example, if you grew up in a home where you
were criticized or put down a lot, your inner child might have learned
to be very defensive and avoid risk so as to avoid criticism, grown
up believing that you have a basic flaw at the core of who you are
i.e. that you are not “OK”, and that to be safe, you
must be a perfectionist and very self-critical. Perfectionism of
course will leave you anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed much of
the time.
Perfectionists often complain of and feeling inadequate
or even worse; that they are a failure. Because of these early learning’s
and survival skills, you will probably experience a lot of rejection
and criticism, in your relationships with others. It is not uncommon
for children from these homes learn to be care takers of others but
lack the ability to care for themselves.
On the other hand, if you grew up in a home where
you had very loving but overly protective and controlling parents
who “impinged” or limited your ability to be independent
and autonomous, your inner child may have learned that intimate relationships
are dangerous for your autonomy and sense of self. Thus, you might
be more of loner and avoid intimate relationships with others. Some
children from these homes often develop an oppositional personality.
If overt opposition was not allowed, they often learn to be passively
oppositional.
These illustrations represent only a few of the
outcomes possible from family of origin experiences in the first
seven to eight years of life. Because there is no such thing as a
perfect family to grow up in, all of us have inner children that
are wounded to varying degrees; we all have fears, beliefs that are
not accurate, and skills that we developed to protect ourselves.
We call them the shadow aspects of the unconscious.
The important concept here is that the primitive
ego of the inner child will unconsciously influence the way you live
your life and will unconsciously determine the paths that you choose
on your life journey. Unless this old brain or inner child is understood,
you will have a second grader running your life and you won’t
even know it.
Let’s take a look at a few of the primary
shadow aspects of the primitive ego called your inner child. It is
important to understand that these primitive structures are common
to all human beings. All of us have these traits to some degree,
the only variable is that of intensity.
1) To minimize anxiety and make the world safe,
the primitive ego learns to split the world into all or nothing,
black or white categories called good and bad, right and wrong. The
primitive ego does not emotionally understand the concept of gray.
2) The primitive ego learns very early in life
that everything comes from the world. For example, food, burping,
diaper changes, rocking, holding, physical warmth and safety are
either provided for or withheld by caretakers. Thus the primitive
ego does not emotionally or intellectually understand the concept
of introspection and self-awareness. All attention is on the external
world. When the primitive ego experiences negative feelings, it quickly
searches the surrounding environment and blames the people and events
for creating those negative feelings.
3) The primitive ego learns that it is the center
or ruler of the known universe. All it has to do to get what it needs
or wants is to open its mouth and scream. Thus the primitive ego
does not emotionally understand the concept of interdependence and
cooperation. If the needs and wants of the primitive ego are frustrated,
the primitive ego will get angry and upset. It expects to get what
it wants, simply because it wants it.
4) To keep the world safe so as to get rewards
(love and attention) and minimize punishment ( rejection, criticism,
abandonment) the primitive ego learns that being right and in control
are effective ways to minimize anxiety. The concept that others might
also share a piece of the “truth” on any subject is not
emotionally understood or accepted by the primitive ego. The beliefs,
opinions, assumptions and expectations of the primitive ego are “right”.
Anyone who disagrees with the primitive ego is wrong and is often
labeled as evil and dangerous. The primitive ego is very fearful
of being vulnerable. It operates on a vertical power model called “power
over” which is sometimes referred to as survival of the fittest.
5) And finally, to maximize rewards and minimize
punishment, the “culturizing” process of childhood quickly
teaches the primitive ego to be very invested in being the person
that it thinks others want it to be. The primitive ego becomes what
we commonly refer to as a “false self”. The primitive
ego works very hard to be a perfect false self so as to be safe.
To summarize, the primitive ego is simply the primary “operating
system” of the human brain. It is seldom seen directly, but
it is responsible for organizing and directing the thoughts and behaviors
of virtually all human interaction. The inner child is stuck forever
in childhood but unconsciously works all of your life to keep you
safe. It will keep the world simple by only allowing two categories
called good and bad, it will always focus outwardly on the “stuff” of
the world in it’s search for happiness, it will be very self-centered
and non-empathic, it will always be very invested in being right
and being in control, and lastly, it will always blame events and
other persons for it’s feelings.
Unfortunately, if we look at the lack of civility
and the source of conflict in the world today, it is clear that most
humans may look like adults, but they are responding to the events
and people in their lives using the all or nothing, knee-jerk responses
of their primitive ego; the primitive behaviors of an eight years
old. This is referred to as stage 2 in the above diagram. Stage 2
adults have very little self awareness and tend to be very reactive
when interacting with the people and world in which they live.
In stage two, the body appears to be that of an
adult, but under stress, it quickly becomes apparent that the primitive
ego of an eight year old inner child is in control. The stage two “adult” is
simply an eight year old inner child in an adult body. The primitive
ego of an eight year old in second grade does not have the life experience,
the insights, or the wisdom needed to effectively run an adult life
and make mature decisions. The thoughts of a reactive eight year
old with its finger on the trigger of an atomic weapon is frightening
indeed!
Stage three I define as awakening. The prime requirement
for awakening is pain and suffering. Humans don’t grow until
the pain of where they are is worse than the fear of where they might
have to travel. It is in stage three that the journey into a conscious
self-awareness begins. Some reach stage three very young. Some never
achieve a stage three consciousness.
Most people reach stage three consciousness only
after they have exhausted themselves trying to achieve happiness
out in the world. They are often people that have successful careers,
they are educated, they have nice homes and automobiles and possess
most of the things that culture says they need to have in order to
be happy.
And then, one day, they awaken to the painful reality
that they are not happy. There is no inner “peace”. The
growing inner wisdom, that happiness is not going to be achieved
by owning worldly “stuff”, breaks into their consciousness.
Their inner wisdom “knows” that happiness is not based
on other people or the events in their life suddenly changing. The
childhood survival skills of the primitive ego are no longer helpful.
Trying to be what they think others want them to be is not working.
There is a growing inner need to be authentic and real.
The conscious inner journey toward the deeper self-awareness
of a mature stage 4 observing adult has begun. Human development
from this point on will increasingly manifest a softening of the
primitive ego. The rigid all or nothing thinking of the primitive
ego will begin to soften. Even under stress, compassion, tolerance,
and non-reactive responses will begin to be evident; pro-active responses
will increase. The observing consciousness of the maturing adult
ego will begin to pay attention to what is in the moment rather than
focusing on past memories or future worries. The observing adult
in stage four is best described as a primitive ego plus a primitive
adult beginning the journey toward an awakened consciousness. The
work from this point on will be the struggle to stay awake. As Tony
de Mello reminds us, anyone can wake up, it’s staying awake
that become the challenge.
From this point on, the maturing ego will strive
to increasingly be awake to what is in the moment and at peace with
what is. Projection and blame will continue to diminish as the maturing
ego increasingly owns its own feelings and embraces the systemic
unity and interconnectedness of all things. The maturing ego learns
to openly embrace the radical diversity of all creation, and is increasingly
content to live life on the middlepath; a place of ego emptiness
and not knowing. For the maturing ego in stage four, the black and
white thinking of the primitive ego slowly gives way to the gray
of reality. Living with paradox and the concept that there is truth
in all things is no longer uncomfortable.
The closer the maturing ego gets to enlightenment
the more it manifests its essential nature of agape love; the ability
to love unconditionally without a “because”. The primitive
ego always requires a conditional “because” in order
to love. The maturing ego increasingly understands that there are
really
only two basic choices in life; one can manifest the unconditional
agape love of the essential self, or one can manifest the conditional
love of the primitive ego.
The great spiritual teachers of history like the
Dalai Lama, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, The Buddha,
Mohammad and Jesus have changed the world not because of what they
have done, but because of who they were. They were mature enlightened
people who simply manifested their essential nature; unconditional
agape love.
This model of human development shows clearly that
any authentic growth in self-awareness is authentic spiritual growth.
Authentic spiritual growth means that there has been authentic growth
in self-awareness. The ego has matured.
Simply stated, if we want to grow spiritually we
have no choice but to become more self-aware. We must first meet
and understand the primitive ego of our inner child. We must learn
to love the inner child, but recognize that we can no longer allow
the primitive ego of the inner child to run our lives. Thus, the
first step toward authentic spiritual growth begins in learning to
love ourselves. Until we do, our love for others will always have
a “because”.
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